Chapter
4
Self-concept
-
All a
person's beliefs about their qualities, personality, nature, behavior,
skills, roles, etc...
currently accessible:
working self-concept...
what you might become:
possible selves
Self-discrepancy :
It’s effects ...the MAGNITUDE
&
one’s AWARENESS!
F Self-concept vs. reality & experience Carl Rogers, Person-Centered Theory
•
Problems? INCONGRUENCE
Self-discrepancy
•
Anxiety from
the perceptions of SELF and the behavior
/ thoughts / feelings exhibited
IF someone sees him- or
her-self in one way
and the ideal for
themselves in another way, it is
“self-discrepancy.”
Emotional?
Sure...as when one doesn't live up to
their own personal standards... Dejection…
When
one fails to live up to their level of responsibility, what they ought
to do…agitation.
IF someone
sees him- or her-self in one way and the ideal for themselves as
another, this is
self-discrepancy.
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Coping with self-discrepancy
FHealthy:
– Target the
discrepancy (-ies) and
– change behavior!
FLESS healthy:
– Blunt
self-awareness by
• avoiding the situation,
• manipulation or
• denial, repression,etc.
Self-esteem
One’s overall perception of one’s worth
as a person; it is the
“evaluative component of the self-concept”
(Weiten & Lloyd, 2000, p. 138)
Often
correlated with positive behaviors…but not always!
Affects one’s efforts, persistence, etc.
F Parental
behavior
– More expressions of affection during childhood
– Greater parental interest in child’s activities
– More accepting of their children
– Sound, consistent discipline
F Parents’
own self-esteem
– Relatively high
Roots
of Self-Esteem
F
Unconditional Positive Regard
F
Conditional Positive Regard
F
Conditions of Worth
F
The Malevolent Attitude
F
The Pathological Critic
F
What do the authors say self-worth is based on?
F
Nothing – it is your right, it should be based on
recognition that your worth is independent of your achievements, just because
you are a unique human being.
Parenting Styles
F
Two major dimensions underlie
parental behavior:
–
Parental Acceptance: influences the degree to which
children internalize the standards and expectations of their parents
–
Parental Control: strictness of parental standards
Dimensions of Child-Rearing
F
FOUR PARENTING STYLES
– Authoritative:
high acceptance, high control
– Authoritarian:
low acceptance, high control
– Permissive:
High acceptance, low control
– Neglectful:
Low acceptance, low control
Dimensions of Child-Rearing
F
AUTHORITATIVE
F Set high goals
F Accepting of children
F Responsive to their needs
F Encourage verbal give-and-take
F Allow questioning of parental
requests
F Provide age-appropriate explanations
Dimensions of Child-Rearing
F
AUTHORITARIAN
F Highly demanding & controlling
F Use of physical punishment or threat
F Issue commands, to be obeyed without
questioning
F Maintain tight control, even as
children mature
F Emotionally distant
F Rejecting
Dimensions of Child-Rearing
F
PERMISSIVE
F Few or no demands
F Allow children free expression of
impulses
F Set few limits on appropriate
behavior
F Responsive
F Warmly accepting
F Indulge their children’s desires
Dimensions of Child-Rearing
F
NEGELCTFUL
F Provide basic physical &
emotional needs, but little else
F Convey the impression that they do
not particularly care about their children
F Uninvolved
F Unsupportive
F Minimal supervision
F Little time spent together
Effects
of Parenting Styles
F
Parenting styles are associated with
different personality traits in children
F Data are correlational
and does not establish that the parenting style is the cause of the children’s
behavior; the direction of influence most likely goes both ways.
Effects
of Parenting Styles
F
AUTHORITATIVE
F MOST POSITIVE OUTCOMES:
F Self-reliant
F Friendly
F Cooperative
F Self-Controlled
F Coping skills
F Curious
F Achievement-oriented
Effects
of Parenting Styles
F
AUTHORITARIAN
F Low self-esteem
F Poor social skills
F Conflicted & irritable
F Fearful & Apprehensive
F Moody & Unhappy
F Easily annoyed
F Passively hostile
F Prone to stress
F Aimless
F Unfriendly
Effects
of Parenting Styles
F
PERMISSIVE
F Impulsive & aggressive
F Easily frustrated
F Rebellious
F Low in self-reliance &
self-control
F Domineering
F Aimless
F Low in achievement
Effects
of Parenting Styles
F
NEGELCTFUL
F Low self-esteem
F Moody
F Impulsive
F Aggressive
Toward
Effective Parenting
F
There are five basic principles which
should be tailored to the age and developmental level of a specific child…
Toward
Effective Parenting
1: Set high,
but reasonable standards
F
Expect behavior that is socially & age appropriate
F
Expect their full potential in school & other
activities
F
Parents who do not expect much from their children are
teaching them not to expect much from themselves
Toward
Effective Parenting
2: Stay alert for good behavior & reward
it
F
Praise good behavior so your child knows what you want
F
Most parents pay attention to misbehavior and ignore
good behavior, which is a backward approach
Toward
Effective Parenting
3: Explain
your reasons when you ask a child
to do something
F
Explain the purpose of your request
F
Can make an illogical demand seem more like a
reasonable request
F
Encourages self-control in a child
Toward
Effective Parenting
4: Encourage
children to take others’ perspectives
F
Talk to children about the effects of their behavior
on others
F
“How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
F
Promotes empathy and moral development
Toward
Effective Parenting
5: Enforce
rules consistently
F
Be clear of what you expect from them
F
There must be consequences when standards are not met
F
Fosters self-control in children
Using Punishment Effectively
To use punishment
effectively, it should be used less often
F Side Effects of Punishment:
–
Triggers strong negative emotional
responses, such as anxiety, fear, anger and resentment, which can lead to
hostility
–
Can create a general suppression of
behavior, where a child will withdraw and inhibit themselves from any behavior
for fear of punishment
–
May increase aggressive behavior when
a child subdued to frequent physical punishment
Using Punishment Effectively
F
Though punishment may be overused, it still plays a
role in disciplinary efforts
F
There are five guidelines which summarize research in
using punishment effectively while minimizing its side effects…
Using Punishment Effectively
1: Punishment
should not damage a child’s self-esteem
F
Punishment should send the message: the behavior is
undesirable, not the child
F
No harsh physical punishment, derogatory accusations,
or hurtful words
Using Punishment Effectively
2: Punishment
should be swift
F
A delay undermines its impact
F
“Wait until your father gets home…”
F
Quick punishment demonstrates the connection between
forbidden behavior and its consequences
Using Punishment Effectively
3: Punishment
should be consistent
F
To eliminate undesirable behavior, it should be
punished every time it arises
F
Inconsistency creates confusion
Using Punishment Effectively
4: Punishment
should be explained
F
The reason for punishment should be explained as fully
as possible
F
The more understanding a child has about the reason
for their punishment, the more effective the punishment tends to be
F
These authoritative-style explanations helps a child
develop self-control
Using Punishment Effectively
5: Point out
alternative, positive ways to behave and reinforce those actions
F
Don’t simply tell a child what NOT to do
F
Punish undesirable behaviors, but reward positive,
alternative ones
F
Troublesome behaviors are often attention-seeking
devices
F
Provide a child with more acceptable ways to gain
attention
Overcoming the Tyranny of the Should
F
Ask – “Should according to whom?”
F
The nature of self-talk is different between high
self-esteem and low self-esteem people.
How?
Key Attitudes for Maintaining
self-Esteem
F
Hello
F
Bravo!
F
Expect Miracles, but Do Your Part
F
Laugh and Dance a Little Everyday
F
Love Your Inner Child
Boosting
Self-Esteem
Low vs. High Self-Esteem
Low Self-Esteem:
F
Self-protective orientation
F
Avoid situations in which they might
fail
F
Focus on improving their shortcomings
High Self-Esteem:
F
Self-enhancing orientation
F
Focus on their strong points
F
Pursue success even when it is risky
Guidelines for Increasing Self-Esteem:
•
Recognize that you control your self- image
•
Learn more about yourself
•
Don’t let others set your goals
•
Recognize unrealistic goals
•
Modify negative self-talk
•
Emphasize your strengths
•
Approach others with a positive outlook
Learn More About
Yourself:
§ Take a self-concept inventory, such as the one in the book “Self-esteem,”
by Matthew Mckay and Patrick Fanning.
§ Read Self-help books that focus on building your self-esteem. Try to
select books that:
•
Have a theoretical or research basis
•
Are clear in the message that they
are trying to convey
•
Do not promise “miracles” in the way
they advocate change in your self-esteem
•
Provide detailed, explicit directions
about how to enhance your self-esteem
§ Pay careful attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behavior and
utilize feedback from others.
Recognize that You Control
Your Self- Image:
Ø
You ultimately control how you see yourself
Ø
You do have the power to change your self-image
Ø
Your self-image resides in your mind
and is a product of your thinking
Ø
Although others may influence your
self-concept, you are the final
authority.
Don’t let others set your goals:
Make your own
decisions about what you will do and what you believe in.
Recognize unrealistic goals:
§
Recognize reality so that you do not
condemn yourself for failure.
§
Compare yourself against similar
others so that you do not hurt your self-esteem
Modify Negative Self-Talk:
ØAlways take credit for your successes and consider the possibility that
your failures may not be your fault.
ØStop irrational thinking and negative self-talk before they breed poor
self-esteem.
Emphasize your strengths:
ØEveryone has strengths and weaknesses.
ØYou should accept those weaknesses that you are powerless to change and
work on those that you can change, without becoming obsessed about it.
ØAt the same time, you should recognize your strengths and learn to
appreciate them.
Approach others with
a positive outlook:
§ Facilitate your esteem building efforts by engaging in a positive outlook
towards others.
§ Approaching people with a positive, supportive outlook will promote
rewarding interactions and help you earn their acceptance.
§ At the same time, your self-esteem will be enhanced.
The National Association for Self-Esteem (NASE)
v NASE believes that self-esteem is “The experience of being capable of
meeting life’s challenges and being worthy of happiness.”
v
Mission Statement: To “fully
integrate self-esteem into the fabric of American society so that every
individual, no matter what their age or background, experiences personal worth
and happiness.”
Helpful
Self-Esteem Links:
F
Building Self-Esteem:
F
The Bright Side: