Build Trust as You Communicate
Communicating Effectively with Others
How to be a Good Conversationalist
1. Keep your message interesting keep minor details
to a minimum, pay attention to body language to see if interest is being
2. Show your sense of humor make humorous or witty
asides, and show a sense of humor about yourself.
3. Show an interest in the other person ask
questions to draw the other person out.
4. Avoid monopolizing the conversation.
5. Stay focused on the topic at hand.
6. Offer sincere compliments where appropriate.
7. Avoid annoying mannerisms.
8. Talk fairly rapidly.
Feeling comfortable with another person,
feeling on the same wavelength emotionally or intellectually.
Develop rapport by mirroring nonverbal and verbal
behavior of the other person.
Making a Good First Impression
Do not discuss controversial topics or health issues.
Avoid off-color jokes.
Face the person directly, lean forward, stand upright
and maintain good eye contact.
Keep your arms open, dont touch your face or shift
The Art of Small Talk
Begin with a simple statement.
Select a topic of general interest.
Make associations to other topics or ask questions to
keep the conversation moving.
Pay attention to the other person.
Make a graceful exit.
Standing up for your personal rights and expressing ideas,
needs, feelings, and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways without
violating the rights of other people.
Passivity - violating your own rights by failing
to express honest feelings, needs, thoughts, and beliefs, thus allowing others
to potentially take advantage of you.
Aggression standing up for your personal rights
and expressing thoughts, feelings, needs, and beliefs in ways which can be
dishonest, usually inappropriate and intimidating, and always violating the
rights of others.
An indirect form of aggressiveness in which we get
back at someone not by what we do, but what we dont do.
Ex. Not talking
to people we are angry with, not showing up for appointments we have made.
What are the negative consequences of failing to be
What are the benefits of being assertive?
People Fail to Behave Assertively
Fear of loss of approval
Failing to distinguish between assertiveness and aggression.
Mistaking nonassertion for
politeness or consideration.
Mistaking passivity for being helpful with the idea that
doing something you really dont want to do will help the other person.
Behaving aggressively through fear of being controlled by
A false belief that aggression is
justified and the only way to get through to other people.
Allowing aggression to build to the
boiling point through not being assertive initially.
Failure to accept your personal rights.
A Framework for Assertive Communication
The behavior When you do X
The effect - Y happens and /or I feel Y
The consequences Z will occur (optional)
Alternatives Please replace X with A
assertion in step 1 recognize the persons feelings and position
Your non-verbal behavior must be congruent with the
message you are trying to communicate.
Asserting Yourself with Aggressive People
Use empathic assertion.
Keep your focus.
Postpone discussion until cooler heads prevail.
Try the broken
Timing speak after
1/3 to ½ of people have
Tact use empathic assertion
Aspects of the communicator knowledge of subject and pace
Aspects of the message emotional appeals, present both sides, repeat
Aspects of the audience tailor message to demographics and
complexity of audience.
Thats Not All Technique
The sales person throws in all sorts of extras to
sweeten the deal.
The Consistency Principle
Consistency Principle is basically that once people
agree to something, they tend to stick with their initial commitment. Well
look at two ways this principle is used to gain compliance. The techniques we
will look at under the Consistency Principle are the Foot in the door Technique
and the Lowball Technique.
Foot in the Door Technique
Foot in the door Technique involves getting people to agree to a small
request to increase the chances that they will agree to a larger request later.
The Lowball Technique
The Lowball Technique Involves getting someone to commit to an attractive
proposition before its hidden costs are revealed.
This Principle is the rule that
one should payback in kind what one receives from others.
The Door in the Face Technique
Involves making a
large requests that is likely to be turned down in order to increase the
chances that people will agree to a smaller request later.
The Scarcity Principle
The Scarcity Principle states that
telling people they cant have something. Only makes them want it even more.