wants to reach a distant
goal must take small steps.”
the importance of setting goals.
• List the
characteristics of well-set goals.
between short-term and long-term goals.
common obstacles to reaching your goals.
the causes and symptoms of stress.
several strategies for relieving stress.
ways to deal with anger constructively.
Setting and Achieving Goals
Goal An outcome you want
to achieve and toward which you direct your effort.
A well-set goal has five characteristics.
Setting Goals continued…
• Short-term Goal A goal with a specific plan of action to
accomplish within the coming year.
• Long-term Goal A goal you plan to achieve in
the more distant future
Be proactive about your goals—only you can make them
Be specific when setting your goals.
Tying Your Goals Together
and long-term goals are equally important.
sure your short-term goals will lead to your long-term goals by setting your
long-term goals first. Then think of all the steps necessary to achieve each
• Once you
have set your goals, make a commitment to reach them.
Activity 14: Generating
Put It On Paper
Norman Vincent Peale, Why Some Positive
Thinkers Get Powerful, recommends these strategies:
about where you want to go in life.
• Come to
a firm decision about your basic goal.
down your goal in a clear statement.
and learn all you can about your goal.
• Set a
time for achieving your goal.
sure your decision about your goal is right.
your goal all your effort and never stop trying.
• Be a
• Once you
have achieved one goal, go on to the next.
Personal Journal 3.1 Goal Cards
• Obstacle Any barrier that prevents you from achieving
• Perfectionism The belief that you are only worthwhile if
you are perfect.
• Adapting Being flexible to change.
to Please Someone Else
Really Wanting It
• Being a
to Go it Alone
Choose your goals to please yourself, not others.
Keep reminding yourself to stick to your goals.
Ask for support when you need it.
Adapt to change.
obstacles are opportunities in disguise.
Activity 15: Anticipating Obstacles
Handling Stress and Anger
• Anything that requires an
adaptive response on the part of the
• So, stress is inescapable.
• Eustress – positive stress
• Distress – negative stress
• Stressor Anything that causes stress.
It is normal
to experience stress when faced with:
demands at school or work
in family relationships
in your social life
to new people, ideas, and situations
or shame about sexual identity
generated demands, such as perfectionism, negative self-talk, or chronic worry
Negative Effects of Stress
• Stress negatively affects
your physical, psychological, and occupational functioning!
Focusing on Your Thoughts
• Worrying is one example of an unproductive
way of thinking, because it doesn’t involve any solution to anything, but is
mostly a replay of dire and negative possibilities. 80% of what we worry about never
happens. Planning for the negative is
not the same as worrying about it.
Focusing on Your Language
• The way we speak to ourselves goes a long
way to determining how we see and relate to reality. If we say to ourself, “That idiot made me
angry” we become the passive recipient of our own emotions, but if we say, “I
am angry at that idiot’s behavior,” then we recognize that we are controlling
our own emotions.
• We all have a running commentary in our
heads that acts as a buffer between us and the environment, it is often called Self-Talk.
• Self-talk can be reasonable and adaptive or
it can become irrational and interfere with our ability to function at a high
and healthy level.
• There are two broad categories of irrational
• 1. Beliefs that other people or the world or
something should be different
• 2. Beliefs that your perceptions represent
the only reality and not just your particular view of reality.
• Our experience of reality originates in
sensory experience which is then elaborated on by our perceptions and
cognitions, which then influences our emotions and physiology, which in turn
feeds back into our self-talk and the cycle continues.
Common Forms of
• 1. Statements that
catastrophize – giving the worst most horrible interpretation to events in the
absence of evidence, but based merely on anxiety filled thinking.
• 2. Statements that are
absolutes – these demand that things “should, must, ought, always, or never”
be a certain way, and if they are not it is “terrible, intolerable,
• This really means learning
to think differently, hopefully more reasonably.
• Here are some common
irrational beliefs that can be “restructured.”
• 1. Everyone needs to like
you, it is awful if someone dislikes you.
• 2. You must be competent
and perfect in all you do.
• 3. Mistakes are sure proof
that you are a failure.
• 4. You should never hurt
anyone or refuse a request/favor.
• 5. It is horrible if things
don’t turn out the way you want all the time.
• 6. You are helpless and
have no control over your feelings and experiences.
• 7. You will be rejected if
you don’t go to great lengths to please others.
• 8. There is a perfect love
and a perfect relationship.
• 9. You shouldn’t have to
feel pain, life should always be fair and pleasant.
• 10. Your worth depends on
what you achieve and do.
What to do?
• Once a variation of an
irrational belief is noticed, the first step is to examine and challenge the
validity of that belief with our rational mind.
• 1. Is there reason to think
the belief is true?
• 2. Is there evidence that
this belief is untrue?
• 3. If I reject this belief,
what is the worst that could happen to me?
• 4. If I reject this belief,
what good things might happen to me?
New Rational Beliefs
• The next step is to
substitute a new more rational belief for the old, irrational one. What are
some more rational beliefs we can substitute for these irrational ones?
• 1. Everyone needs to like you, it is awful if
someone dislikes you.
• 2. You must be competent and perfect in all
• 3. Mistakes are sure proof that you are a
• 4. You should never hurt anyone or refuse a
• 5. It is horrible if things don’t turn out the
way you want all the time.
• 6. You are helpless and have no control over
your feelings and experiences.
• 7. You will be rejected if you don’t go to great
lengths to please others.
• 8. There is a perfect love and a perfect
• 9. You shouldn’t have to feel pain, life should always be
fair and pleasant.
• 10. Your worth depends on what you achieve
Symptoms of Stress
triggers a response from your autonomic nervous system (ANS) that monitors and
controls most involuntary functions, including heartbeat and sweating.
Psychological and physical stress symptoms may include: fatigue,
irritability, impatience, anger, muscle tension, insomnia, loss of appetite,
ulcers, high blood pressure, coronary disease and cancer.
Activity 16: How Stressed Are You?
• Escape Response A behavior that helps you get your mind off
Positive Response You act in a way that does not harm you or
add to the problem.
Activities that may make you feel better for a while, but
actually increase your stress levels include overeating, drinking, drug abuse,
avoiding responsibilities, and denial--refusing to face painful thoughts and
your stress feelings with a trusted family member, friend, instructor, or
Stress Management 1
• Coping Skills Behaviors that help you deal with stress and
other unpleasant situations which may include:
Daily Relaxation –meditation, music, watching nature, progressive
muscle relaxation, etc.
• The Magic in Breathing
• Active Relaxation vs.
• Breathe from Your Diaphragm
• Practice is Essential
Daily Exercise – walking, running, aerobics, yoga, any
physical activity that helps you release tension.
Balanced Diet –high fiber, low fat, minimize salt, sugar,
caffeine and alcohol intake. Be cautious
of fad diets, high-energy foods and quick-fix alternatives to nutrition.
Stress Management 2
• Sleep –regularly
get at least seven hours of complete rest.
Mental Discipline –meditation, biofeedback, self-hypnosis, martial
arts, advanced yoga, tai’chi, ballet, etc.
Self-Esteem –positive self-talk, reflection on
Relationships –establish a trust-worthy support network.
Time Management –set priorities, make a time schedule.
Mental Stimulation –keep learning!
Recreation –engage in hobbies, sports, leisure activities.
Stress Management 3
Spirituality –reaffirm values, meditation, prayer, etc.
• Reality Check –when
stress hits, stop, assess the situation.
Am I overreacting?
Laugh It Off –keep your sense of humor!
Clarity –periodically review your dreams and goals. Remind
yourself why you are doing what you are doing.
Make time for relaxation every day.
Personal Journal 3.2 Stress Management Techniques
Activity 17: Personal Stressors and Relievers
Journal 3.3 Stress Relief Reminders
Anger and Responses to Anger
• Anger A strong feeling of displeasure, resentment
and hostility that results from frustration.
• Aggression Behavior intended to harm or
injure a person or object. Examples?
• Passive-Aggression Indirect, disguised aggression toward
Figure out what makes you angry—and why?
your emotions calmly and with reason.
Coping With Anger
can’t control every situation that causes you to feel angry.
You can control your anger and make a conscious effort to use your
energy to come up with solutions to the problem that caused the anger.
• Anger is
a trigger for your body that releases adrenaline and cortisol, which working
together weaken your immune system.
Every time you get angry it hurts your health.
Healing Anger Constructively
Sandy Livingstone, Dealing With Anger.
Anger arises when we perceive
that something might happen to: frighten us, hurt us, threaten us, make us feel
Personal Journal 3.4 Anger Triggers
• Take Positive Action
It is possible that the problem lies in how
you are looking at others.
Work out the current situation without
bringing up past issues or other conflicts.
Healing Anger continued…
Try Assertiveness Stand up
for your rights without
violating the rights of others.
with minor irritations before they become anger-triggering
• Ask for
help when you need it.
• Say “no”
to unreasonable requests.
• Speak up
if you are not being treated the way you want to be treated.
• Be open
to positive, constructive criticism and suggestions.
• Use calm
body language and maintain good eye contact.
active listening: showing a desire to listen, being attentive to the other
person’s words and body language.
what you can and accept what you can’t.