Conflict and Violence

The Nature of Conflict

• What is Conflict?

– Incompatibility between people’s actions, goals, desires, opinions etc. Often including negative emotions.

• Frequency of Conflict

– Associated with personality characteristics (neuroticism), incompatible preferences, differences in life stages.

Conflict Topics and Issues

• Events precipitating marital conflict:

– Criticism – verbal or nonverbal events perceived as demeaning.

– Illegitimate demands – being asked to do things outside the normal relationship expectations.

– Rebuffs – seeking a desired reaction and not getting it.

– Cumulative annoyances – repeated instances of small frustrations.

Attributions and Conflict

• Basic Propositions:

– Conflict increases the frequency of seeking behavioral explanations as opposed to during more pleasant interactions.

– During conflict people take a benign view of their own motives, find excuses.

– Conflicts may start as factual disputes and become attributional conflict over motives.

Differences Between Happy and Unhappy Couples

• Unhappy

• Distress maintaining causal attributions.

• Internal, stable and global negative attributions.

• Specific attributions for positive behavior.

• Perceive selfish motives, negative intentions

• Happy

• Relationship-enhancing causal attributions.

• Internal, stable,global positive attributions.

• Specific attributions for negative behavior.

• Do not

The Middle Stages of Conflict

• Escalation, Threats and Entrapment

– In conflict two responses are escalation or negotiation.

– Escalation – generalization of issues, blaming the other person, personal attacks, intensified demands, and threats.

– Escalation can result in entrapment, being unable to retreat from a position taken.

• The Demand/Withdrawal Pattern

– One person approaches about a problem, the partner avoids the issue.

– Women are twice as likely as men to be the person making demands. 60/30/10

– Why?

• Biological differences

• Personality differences

• Conflict-structure hypothesis

– The partner wishing cooperation from the othe in an activity is put in the role of the demanding one. This is often the woman, who is seeking a change in the man’s behavior, often related to attention and affection. Woman demand/ man withdraw is associated with decline of marital satisfaction.

• Negotiation and Accommodation besides escalation and negativity, rational problem solving also exists.

– Negotiation – state positions exchange information, work towards solutions

– Accommodation – inhibiting the impulse to respond negatively and reacting constructively in the face of destructive behavior.

• Responding to Conflict

– Exit – leaving the partner, threatening to end the relationship, abuse, i.e., yelling or hitting.

– Voice – active constructive behavior, discussing problems, changing behavior obtaining advice.

– Loyalty – passive constructive manner, optimistically waiting for conditions to improve

– Neglect – passive destructive, avoiding discussion etc.

Conflict: 4 Types of Couples

• Volatiles – extreme expressiveness and involvement, try to persuade each other

• Validators – calmer, relaxed discussion, appear to be working on problem, take stock at the beginning

• Avoiders – no strategy for conflict, hope time will take care of it

• Hostiles – negativity, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, withdrawal, flooding (eruption of strong negative affect).

Termination and Outcomes of Conflict

• Separation – withdraw without resolution

• Domination – one person gets way, other gives in

• Compromise – alternative acceptable to both, but optimal to neither

• Integrative agreement – both partners original goals are met

• Structural agreement – improves the relationship of the partners beyond the time of the conflict.

Can Fighting Be Good for a Relationship?

• What do you think?

• See table 12.3 on page 353 for fight effects.

Violence in Relationships

• 51.9% of women and 64% of men reported being physically assaulted at some time in their lives.

• 22.1% of women and 7.4% of men have been assaulted by in intimate partner.

• Most common forms of violence are slapping or hitting, pushing, grabbing or shoving. 9.6% of men have been victims of knife attacks.

• 1.9 million women U.S. women assaulted annually---one every 17 seconds. See Figure 12.4 page 355.

Types of Couple Violence

• Common couple violence – conflicts that get out of hand, minor forms of aggression that rarely escalate out of control.

• Patriarchal terrorism – violence emanating from control, uses tactics like threats, isolation, and economic subordination. Escalates over time, causes injury and PTSD, depression. 4 times as likely to have left husbands multiple times.

• Mutual violent control – both partners controlling and violent

• Violent resistants – both partners violent, but the reisistant partner is acting in self-defense.

Gender Differences in Partner Violence

• 1985 Family Violence survey found 12.1% of women and 11.3% of men reported committing a violent act against their spouse in the preceding year.

• Severe acts 4.4% of women and 3% of men had acted violently.

• What accounts for this finding?

•

• Patriarchal Terrorism almost exclusively male.

• Common couple violence gender symmetric

• Violent resistance almost exclusively female.

Correlates of Violence

• Stressful events – unemployment, unplanned pregnancy

• Low socioeconomic status, low income, little education

• Family background – growing up in a violent family

Why Don’t They All Leave?

• Over 40% of women seeking aid in shelters return to their partners

• In one study:

– 43% remained unattached 20%, 23% in non-abusive relationships.

– 23% with partners, but one year no violence.

– 33% still in abusive relationship 25% victims, 8% both victims and perpetrators.

Reasons

• Economic status – women who leave more likely to be employed than those who stay.

• Commitment may turn in to entrapment

• Love – the greater the investment in time and affection in the relationship the harder to leave.

• Fear of greater violence.

Violence in Premarital Relationships

• 22.3% of undergraduates report that violence had occurred in their relationships.

• One person using force – 22% female, 10% males.

• Using force the previous year – 37% men and 35% of women.

• More men (39%) than women (32%) reported partners had used force against him.

• Reasons:

• Anger

• Control (males)

• Self-defense (females)