Interpersonal communication: an interactional
process whereby one person sends a message to another
At least two people must be involved
It is a process
The process is interactional (i.e., not a one-way
street)
Components of the communication process
Six essential components of interpersonal communication
process
Sender: person who initiates message
Receiver: person to whom message is targeted
Message: information transmitted from sender to
receiver
Senders encode ideas into message; receivers
decode message into ideas
Primary means of sending messages is language
Channel: the sensory channel through which message
reaches receiver
Noise: any stimulus that interferes with
accurately expressing or understanding a message
Context: the environment in which
communication takes place
The importance of communication
An essential aspect of everyday life
Quality of communication can affect satisfaction in
marriage
Nonverbal communication: transmission of meaning
from one person to another through means or symbols other than words
General principles of nonverbal communication
Multichanneled
Frequently conveys emotions
Is relatively ambiguous
May contradict verbal messages
Is culture-bound
Elements of nonverbal communication
Personal space: a zone of space surrounding a
person that is felt to "belong" to that person
Proxemics: the study of people's use of
interpersonal space
Other animals show similar tendency, called
territoriality
Size of personal space depends on nature of relationship
and type of situation
Distance is regulated by social norms; varies by
culture
Women seem to have smaller personal spaces than men
People of similar status tend to stand closer together
Invasions of personal space elicit variety of reactions
Facial expressions
Generally convey emotions
Paul Ekman and colleagues have identified six emotions
associated with distinctive facial expressions: anger, disgust, fear,
happiness, sadness, surprise
Some facial expressions are universally recognized but
many expressions vary from culture to culture
Display rules: norms that govern the
appropriate display of emotions
People can regulate facial expressions to deceive
others
Eye contact
Duration of eye contact is most meaningful
High levels of eye contact associated with
attentiveness
High levels also associated with effective social
skills, credibility
Gaze is means of communicating intensity of feelings,
but not positive or negative emotion
Culture affects patterns of eye contact
Gender and racial differences have been found in United
States
Body language
Kinesics: the study of communication through
body movements
Provides information about person's level of tension
Body posture also conveys information
"Open" position conveys feeling of relaxation
Leaning toward another person indicates interest,
positive attitude
Closed" position associated with lower status
Hand gestures primarily used to regulate conversations,
supplement speech
Touch
Takes many forms and can convey variety of meanings,
including support, consolation, and sexual intimacy
Can also convey messages of status and power
Strong norms about where people are allowed to
touch each other
Gender differences in responses to touching
Women generally respond more favorably
Gender difference may depend on status differences
Paralanguage: all vocal cues other than the
content of the verbal message itself
Cues include intensity, speed, and rhythm of speech
Aspects of vocalization can communicate emotions
Loud vocalization often indicates anger
High pitch may indicate anxiety
Detecting deception
It's possible to detect deception, but it isn't easy
Vocal cues include excessive hesitations, stammering
Visual cues include excessive blinking, dilation of pupils
Liars nervously touch themselves more than normal
Use of polygraph: device that records
fluctuations in physiological arousal as a person answers questions
Called a "lie detector," it's really an emotion detector
Monitors indicators of autonomic arousal (e.g., heart
rate, blood pressure, respiration rate, and perspiration)
Studies show polygraph is inaccurate one-fourth to
one-third of the time
Significance of nonverbal communication
Negative feelings toward someone will "leak" through
nonverbal channels
Research indicates that people with negative self-views
are not likely to detect negative, nonverbal messages
Accuracy in reading emotions of others is related to
social competence, status
More negative messages, fewer positive messages associated
with unhappy marriages
Toward more effective communication
Creating a positive interpersonal climate
Learn to feel and communicate empathy (adopting
another's frame of reference so you can understand his or her point of
view)
Sensitivity to others' needs, accepting of their
feelings are hallmarks of empathy
Providing support does not mean you must also endorse
individual's behavior
Practice withholding judgment
Strive for honesty
Approach others as equals
Express opinions tentatively
Conversational skills
Principles of making conversation
Give others your attention and respect
Focus on other person instead of yourself
Use nonverbal cues to communicate interest in other
person
Breaking the ice in conversation
Use ritual questions (e.g., "Are you from around here?")
Ask for information
Give a compliment
Use humor
Use current events
Try being direct
Self-disclosure: the voluntary act of verbally
communicating information about yourself to another person
Is of critical importance to psychological adjustment
Sharing problems with others plays key role in mental
health
Emotional self-disclosures lead to feelings of closeness
Self-disclosure in romantic relationships is related to
relationship satisfaction
Reducing the risks of self-disclosure
Good idea to use the strategy of gradual self-disclosure
Pays to be discriminating about sharing personal
information
Pay attention to verbal, nonverbal cues from
conversational partner
Look for reciprocation of self-disclosure
Self-disclosure and relationship development
Emotional disclosures lead to feelings of
closeness
Self-disclosure varies over course of relationship, with
higher levels at beginning
Movement away from equal exchanges of self-disclosure
based on needs that emerge as relationship develops
Need for support
Need for privacy
Self-disclosure changes when relationships are in
distress
Culture, gender, and self-disclosure
Individualistic and collectivistic societies show
differences in self-disclosure
In United States, women tend to self-disclose more than
men, although difference is not as large as once believed
Difference is greatest in same-gender relationships
Gender differences are attributed to socialization
Men tend to self-disclose more with strangers
Effective listening
Three main points to keep in mind
Communicate your interest in the speaker by using
nonverbal cues
Engage in active listening
Pay careful attention, process information
Ask for clarification
Use paraphrasing
Pay attention to nonverbal signals
Key is to devote active effort to task
Communication problems
Communication apprehension: anxiety caused by
having to talk with others
Bodily experiences include increases in heart rate, cold
hands, dry mouth
Four responses to communication apprehension
Communication avoidance
Communication withdrawal
Communication disruption
Excessive communication
People with high levels of communication apprehension are
likely to have difficulties in interpersonal relationships
Barriers to effective communication
Defensiveness
The most basic barrier to effective communication
Threat need not be real to elicit defensive behavior
Motivational distortion
People sometimes hear what they want to hear
Selective attention may cause distortion
Tendency to distort occurs most often in discussions of
issues that people feel strongly about (e.g., politics)
Self-preoccupation
Self-preoccupied people rarely listen attentively
Self-preoccupied people can cause negative reactions in
others
Content of remarks is usually self-serving
Take up more than their share of conversation time
Game playing
First described by Eric Berne (1964), who originated
transactional analysis
Games: manipulative interactions progressing
toward a predictable outcome, in which people conceal their real
motivations
Involve use of ambiguous, indirect, or deceptive
statements
Games are destructive element in relationships
Collusion
Collusion: when two people have an unspoken
agreement to deny some problematic aspect of reality in order to sustain
their relationship
Involves mutual denial, suppression of discussion
Interpersonal conflict: exists whenever two or more
people disagree
Beliefs about conflict
Although many people assume that conflict is bad, it is
neither inherently bad nor inherently good
Collectivistic cultures often avoid conflict, whereas
individualistic cultures tend to encourage direct confrontations
When dealt with constructively, interpersonal conflict can
lead to valuable outcomes
Bring problems out into the open
Put an end to chronic sources of discontent in
relationship
Lead to new insights
Types of conflict
Pseudoconflict
A false conflict
Key to management is to recognize game, avoid being
drawn in
Fact-based conflicts
Disagreement about issues of factual nature
Check facts, don't dwell on who was right and wrong
Policy conflicts
Disagreements about how to handle a situation
Best solutions usually address the problem and the
feelings of both parties involved.
Value conflicts
Disagreements on personal values (e.g., religion,
politics)
A particular problem in intimate relationships
People may have to take turns obliging each other
May be best to match up with person who has similar
values
Ego conflicts
People tend to view outcome as measure of self-worth
Associated with negative personal judgments
Key is to recognize them, return to content level
Styles of managing conflict
Two dimensions underlie the different styles
Interest in satisfying one's own concerns
Interest in satisfying other's concerns
The five styles
Avoidance
Characterized by low concern for self and others
Generally just delays the inevitable clash
Accommodation
Low concern for self, high concern for others
May lead to feelings of resentment
Competition
High concern for self, low concern for others
Likely to lead to post-conflict tension, resentment
Compromise
Moderate concern for self and others
A pragmatic approach that is fairly constructive
Collaboration
High concern for self and others
Involves a sincere effort to find solution that will
maximize satisfaction of both parties
Most productive approach for dealing with conflict
Dealing constructively with conflict
General principles
Approach other person as equal
Define conflict as mutual problem
Choose mutually acceptable time to work on resolving
conflict
Show respect for other person's position
Communicate your willingness to modify your position
Explicit guidelines
Make communication open, honest
Phrase statements about other person's annoying habits
in terms of specific behaviors, not global traits
Avoid "loaded" words
Use positive approach
Limit complaints to recent behavior, present situation
Assume responsibility for own feelings, preferences
Public communication in an adversarial culture
According to sociolinguist Deborah Tannen, contemporary
America is "the argument culture"
Contributing factors
Adversarial nature of America's individualistic culture
Tendency to see things in terms of opposites (e.g., good
versus bad)
Face-to-face communication is on decline
As function of advances in technology
People spend more time on their own, don't learn to
interact effectively with others
Exposure to high levels of physical, verbal aggression,
especially on television
Contributes to development of aggressiveness in some
children
Viewers become desensitized to violence
Restoring productive public communication
Social institutions (e.g., government, media) could
institute changes
Individuals can create positive interpersonal climate
Parents have special role
Can limit children's exposure to physical, verbal
aggression
Can encourage non-aggressive ways of resolving
childhood conflicts
Application: Developing an assertive communication style
The nature of assertiveness (acting in your own
best interests by expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and
honestly)
Submissive communication is consistently giving in
to others on points of contention
Aggressive communication
Not the same as assertive communication
Involves an intention to hurt or harm another
Assertive communication is more adaptive than either
submissive or aggressive communication
Steps in assertiveness training
Understand what assertive communication is
Process can be critical for people to whom assertive
communication is unfamiliar